Am I your Personal Jesus, bleh, break through the thick glass, Dead tired, dead to the world, defense mechanism, Depeche Mode, empathy, fucking exhausted, giving out advice, Goth Dr. Phil, headaches, helping, I kid, I should start charging people for this, it helps to talk I suppose, latter, lethargic, living dead girl, Marilyn Manson, meh, Personal Jesus, someone who listens, sought after, spill your guts out to me, The Goth version of Dr. Phil, thought process, thoughtful night, you are your own personal savior
I always jokingly identify as the ‘Goth version’ of Dr. Phil- and it so happens to be the nickname my siblings call me, Phill. Haha
However, I also never ignored the fact that I’m always the one to be the ears for those who have no one to turn to, let alone find someone for helpful advice. It’s not as though I put up a sign saying ‘Open for business..Chatter away and I shall sit with you and listen till your hearts content and to the latter, provide you with advice that is helpful and concise enough to get the point across, no matter how difficult..’; if I were to have done so, I think I’d have begun to charge people. Boy would I make a pretty penny with all the advice and sit through’s I’ve done.
So I suppose I am the ‘Personal Jesus’ to those who rely on a good listen from someone who’s there to allow them the luxury of time to spill their guts out, to later help pick up the pieces, and make sense of it all to come to an understanding of the specified situation.
It’s an odd term ‘Personal Jesus’, however, it sort of hit me while listening to Depeche Mode’s version then Marilyn Manson’s. I remember an interview where Marilyn Manson described his reason behind the song cover he made for the song ‘Personal Jesus’ and the music video. It was definitely a kick to the gut because I could empathize with him very well. Not having anyone there, but yourself or those few close, trustworthy people in your life to be the voice of reason or the ear you can drown with all sorts of sentiments can be that personal savior in one form or another.
I suppose this is the reason why people seem to come forth to me and then I go off and say ‘hold on, I’m being Dr. Phil..’ or ‘give me a sec, talking..’; it’s a path to solace in a way to the individual. Yet, I find it hilarious when it comes to me for the only ‘Personal Jesus’ I have is myself. Granted I have my best friend and those close to me where I feel comfortable enough to disclose things about myself, etc. Whether it’s how I’m doing emotional, mentally, physically, etc.. I never know, yet the only one who is the most understanding, sadly to say, of myself, is really me.
Yet, I seem to be the most sought after person out of everyone I know who is asked for a moment of my time to hear them out and later, out of my own accord, offer my word of advice that surprisingly enough, break through the thick glass wall they’ve managed to build as a defense mechanism- or whatever it may be- to help them make sense of their situation or that of others whom they’re connected to.
Agh.. clearly going through a lengthy, thoughtful night.